Then, suddenly and without warning, I was evicted from the only world I'd ever known and found myself living in a universe that was much larger, grander, more complex, and heavily populated with various tribes of nurses, doctors, lactation consultants, and others.
Until last Thursday, I thought I had a pretty good idea about the nature of the world and my role in it. The universe, as I'd come to know it, was a sack of warm fluid in which a person could safely float upside-down while contemplating the wonders of existence and occasionally sucking on a thumb or a few fingers. A total universal population of one--that is, just myself--had remained constant since the beginning of time, some 40 weeks before. The universe was a comfortable place to live, although sometimes I felt as if the walls were closing in, since I distinctly remembered having more room to move around during my youth as a humble blastosphere.
This new universe boasted two distinct worlds connected by a complex network of doors and hallways. The first world was Planet Nursery where other newborns slept, bathed, and had something called "vitals" taken from them on a regular basis. The second world was called Room 567 and was home to Mommy, a being who was the source of all nourishment and love in the universe, as well as her personal assistant, Daddy. I could tell that Mommy was in charge because her throne was a huge mechanical bed with many electrical controls while Daddy slept on a fold-out cot and complained of steel coils digging into his back. As I wasn't native to either of the two worlds in this universe, I travelled between them in a one-nursepower vehicle I nicknamed The Bassinetmobile.
But five days later, just as I was getting used to this wondrous new universe, my world expanded yet again! It turns out that I had been living in one universe of many--or at least one universe of two that I've seen so far. In addition to her temporary vacation world in the universe called Hospital, Mommy also reigns over a universe called Home, where she graciously invited me to move in with her. Upon arrival, I was given my very own furniture, toys, and so many colorful outfits that there's always a new one to change into after I've finished pooping, peeing, or spitting up on the one I'd previously been wearing.
The universe of Home has no nurses or doctors, but it does have furry creatures called cats who are hundreds of weeks old and at least a couple times bigger than I am--and I was pleased to discover that Mommy lets Daddy live in her universe as well! He and Mommy spend a lot of time feeding me, playing with me, and watching over me while I sleep. I haven't fully decided, but I think I'll keep them around for a while.
I'm told that there are more worlds and universes out there than I could ever imagine, and I'd never see them all even if I lived to be a thousand weeks old or more! Even Daddy, ancient as he is, says that his universe became bigger, brighter, and more special than ever on the day I came into it, so maybe he knows a little bit about how I feel.
Leave me lots of comments, please!!!
Much love, Alexi Fishbone.